“In a full heart there is room for everything and in an empty heart there is room for nothing.” - Unknown
I don’t know what I was thinking, I must have been crazy. Driving four hours to see you in the middle of the week and skipping my classes is a certifiably crazy act, but I couldn’t resist. Throughout the week thoughts of you filled my head, making classes and any kind of coherent thought impossible. I’d sit there in the auditorium while the teacher droned on and I’d be teased by the memory of how you smell; of how the light glistened off your skin as you stepped out of the water. I’d sit in the library, trying to study for a test but the faint echoes of your laugh would taunt me from the pages of the book, keeping me from my work. It was a hell that held my soul, but today it escaped.
I’m almost there. Through the windshield of my coupй your house rises above me like an image of the moon to a man that’s never seen light; it makes my heart cry. You did not know I was coming, you thought I’d be gone all month. I could resist no longer. Not with your parents were gone for the weekend. Your car sat alone in the driveway and a joy leapt through my heart, knowing I’d see you within seconds. I parked my car and climbed out, all but sprinting the last steps to your door. I rang the doorbell and waited, but no one answered. Its ok, she’s there, I think to myself. I ring again, and still no answer. Irritation sets in, so I start to pound on the door. Minutes pass, and no one answers. Irritation is replaced by worry; what was keeping you?
I try the door handle and it turns freely under my calloused hands, feeling smooth and polished despite its age. Everything within is pristine, untouched; your trademark. Your smell fills the air, a smell of the warm spring air playing within a beautiful country meadow. The late afternoon sun filters through the windows, dancing a round with the dust and warmly caressing my tear-stained face. Those tears flow down my face as memories and thoughts freely echo through my head.
Taking a breath and steadying my heart, I tread to the stairs and after the first, creaking step my feet remember the placements. It’s a game we used to play, back when we were young and carefree, to see who could make the least amount of noise. Your stairs are too old now though, the wood uncaring and dead. The creaks and snaps echo through the air, each sounding like a gunshot in my mind. Its warm up here, a comfortable type of warmth, the warmth of home. Down that long hallway is your room and now a fear sets in; what if you don’t want to see me? What if your really not there? The pictures of you hanging in the hall flash by passed over in my mind just as time passes all things by. Your door rises up there in front of me, a gateway to happier and more carefree times. I press gently and it swings open on silent hinges; you always kept the care of things you could.
A spring breeze blows through the open windows, making the curtains dance and flutter as if they posses some mockery of life. The west wind whispers to me that now I’m home. I close my eyes and savor that moment, where everything lies at peace. A moan cuts through the silence of the room like a knife; my eyes snap open. On your bed you shiver, the covers lie on your hip. Your bare skins glistens with a slight sheen, the breeze’s tantalizing dance making you shiver from the sudden chill.
I set down on the bed, the springs creaking and settling under my weight. You moan again and roll slightly, your weight pressing against my arm. Your skin feels warm against mine, full of life and vigor even in sleep. I take my hand and lightly trace the curve of your back, feeling the wonderful smoothness of your skin. You shiver again, making the muscles in your back and arms ripple. “I lay now besides an angel and she is mine,” I whisper, not knowing I spoke aloud. Your eyes open gently, shaking off the last residues of sleep and a smile graces my lips as yours move in question. “Shhh,” I whisper, placing my fingers over those beautiful temptations, “time enough for questions later; its enough that I am home.” Your smile grows and your face becomes radiant and I know all my worries and doubts were for nothing. I am home.